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Needs a lot of improvement

The art is decent, I like the coloring and the character design. Your three MAJOR issues is pacing, animation, and story.

First off, it's very boring to watch. The character repeatedly over gestures in place at every given opportunity, dragging each part out far more than it needs to. Drop all the unnecessary pauses with shrugs and eye shifting. Speed thigns up and have them make sense. people do not act like that. They multitask...which segways to the next issue.

Get some secondary motion in there. You also animate a lot of single actions: walking, shrugging, looking, etc... but you never combine them. Have him walk around while lookin back and forth and maybe sigh in dismay. Have the character act realistically.

Story...what i gather is the character is trying to show artwork and not getting the results he wants from a a crowd off screen. I assume... Have the story be more clear. Even if it's nonsensical, still give a direction. Find some way to narrate the occurrences taking place.

LiLg responds:

See. Here's the thing. That happened in the actual gallery with people walking around and junk. I made it boring on purpose so that people wouldn't crowd around it and just straight up watch it.

Not bad, but nothing special

It's obvious you have some drawing talents, but it seems you struggled a lil with Flash's vector art style since some things came out better than others. But overall I liked most of the artwork, my big issue is it's a classic case of "Well you can draw...but can you animate?" Unfortunately that answer is no. Not being mean, but the "cut-up-body-tween-a-thon" is perhaps the most abused and least well received animating methods. Not saying you need to dive into the tedious and skill intensive world of proper frame by frame, but realize your limits and design the choreography around it. Anime cheats all the time by using "Z-effects", basically keepign a character still and moving them all differently based on how far back they should be, cheap tricks like this can save you big and still give a professional look to the untrained eye.

I think my biggest issue is the clash of intended action visuals and the incredibly docile music. They didn't blend at all. Not saying either was bad, but together they had no chemistry. Rethink the music. When I see your intro I'm thinking Mako factory music from FFVII, upbeat and anime/classic VG.

Don't take this as a negative review, but I deeply offer to consider what you have a rough draft and refine it. Fix the audio to match, do some editing to shorten it, and remove the excess tween animations and opt for alternate animating methods or zoom/pan shots. Also try to keep the art quality consistent, I found myself liking half and hating the other half due to bad perspective or poor gradiant choice.

fairypoet responds:

Thank for the review! You kinda of hit all the bulleyes of everything i feel missing in
this clip. Quite honestly, my major is graphic design, so my animate experiences is a bit behind my drawings. I dont really get the Z-effect you mentioned? Do you mean the moving backgrounds behind characters to give the illusion of moving?

Thank for your indeep-review. I will look into it.

Good first attempt, but needs improvement

The graphics were very decent, I specifically like the grayed out blood splatter parts. However the two issues driving this one down were two things:

1. Story...I was very bored. Nothing much happened despite some very funny dialog and great voice acting. A story is the single most important aspect of any animation - "Pixar".

2. Animation. You can draw, but your animation is very weak. Really think about how a character would move, react, etc... Also look up what secondary motion is. Animating well is even more important than good art (example XIAO XIAO has no aspect of good art, yet holds it's own simply by amazing animation).

metallica41 responds:

Thanks for the tips

I'm studying graphic design in college after recently completing a year and a half of animation schooling. Learning FL studio in my spare time to create my own music for my animations.

David Cox @Lesbian-Waffles

Age 37, Male

Graphic Designer

Art Institute of Las Vegas

Las Vegas, NV

Joined on 12/8/06

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